Uplifted Academic Gifts

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Interdisciplinary studies.

'I really crammed last night.'

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'What rhymes with D minus?'

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

'WE use these computers to gather and organise data for our school district and, on a slow day, to play solitaire.'

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"So, in conclusion, I would like to say that although I haven't actually read the book, I still found it a fascinating and enriching experience.

National Academy of Sport

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

"I tried getting good grades without studying, but it isn't working."

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

The Giamatti era

"That was one of the hardest exams ever. I don't think anybody got a good grade."

School holidays

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

Baseball players and their qualifications.

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

"We interrupt this program to bring you a special message from your teachers..."

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

'There is NO way I can perform under that kind of pressure!'

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

Milestone in a college student's life: 'Hey! I just got my first collection agency letter, dunning me for my credit card debt!'

"Summer's coming. How does pre-med camp sound."