Unwanted Call Warrior Pillows

'On a scale of 1 to 10 how irritating do I find telephone surveys?...'

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

'I'm sick of answering the phone - half the time, it's about business!'

Sudok Fu: Sign up for class today!

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

Meet the People of the Internet

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

"He's joined a whatsapp group for fans of Matt Hancock's Whatsapp messages."

'Sanders, our numbers on google are slipping, let's pump up the keywords.'

Call Center.

"We already changed our phone service to something or other last week, so we don't need whatever it is you have."

"Of course, we can't pay you. But just think of all the exposure you'll be getting!"

Alarm clock.

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

"And a 'good morning' to you, too"

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

"Well, I don't think it is your constitutional right to interrupt my dinner with a sales call."

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"Well, you call it note-passing and whispering. We call it networking."

"I'm going to put you on hold for a few minutes...to see if you totally lose it."

"Yes, I'm old, so that means I've survived many attacks! Come and get me, punk!"

'This is the technical support. To become connected to a service agent, please press the root of 576081, divided by three, times one point seven, mins 429.1.'

Hold, Hold, Hold, What you imagine all the phones look like at technical support.

'Okay, sir, can you identify the spam?'

Assertiveness training - man answers phone; 'Can I get back to you? How about when I'm darned good and ready?'

'I hope you don't mind me breaking up with you via text message.'

“Something’s wrong with my android.”

'If you wish to complain please press 2 and then select the Death Metal band that you'd like to listen to while you are on hold.'

The eMailman's Creed

'Just once I'd like to hand up on a wrong number before they hang up on me!

'Stop phoning me at work. I don't care if you have got a technical problem!'

' Wake up dear.You don't want to be late for the office.'

"We ran hundreds of ads, searched the state before we got her..."

'Can't you see we're having a conference call?'