Phone Warrior Pillows

"I'm not trying to sell you anything, sir. I'm doing market research, and all I ask is two or three hours of your time to answer a few thousand questions."

'Thank you for holding.'

Assertiveness training - man answers phone; 'Can I get back to you? How about when I'm darned good and ready?'

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

'If this is the conflict resolution hotline, why are you ticking me off??!!

Call Center.

Strip: Call Centres

'Oh no - another blasted cold call!'

"Hello, Mr. Gottlieb of Acme Telemarketing? Oh, did I interrupt your dinner...?"

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

'Just once I'd like to hand up on a wrong number before they hang up on me!

'As a matter of fact, I am in the middle of something.'

"That was a telemarketer, not a robo call. It felt good to cuss out a real person."

'It's that automated heavy breathing again.'

Angry telephone call.

“Something’s wrong with my android.”

"Is 'disgusted with the whole lot of them' a choice?"

Ban on Free Speech

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

"If we gave them press freedom they'd only want democracy too..."

'I'm sick of answering the phone - half the time, it's about business!'

Sudok Fu: Sign up for class today!

A Journalist's Weapons

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

Censorship is killing free society.

"We understand you're not happy with our privacy policy."

"When they said I'll get unlimited calls and texts with my new mobile contract, I didn't realise they would all be from PPI insurance companies....."

"He's joined a whatsapp group for fans of Matt Hancock's Whatsapp messages."

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

"We don't need a digital security guard. Hackers don't actually come to our house."

"We already changed our phone service to something or other last week, so we don't need whatever it is you have."

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'