Untimely Death Gifts

"It's not my fault I died in the shower!"

"Why bother?"

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

'He's really very busy but you can wait.'

Heaven

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

"I suggest you say your final 'I told you so'."

"Back in 15 min."

"Hurry - get the family. I think he's about to communicate his final angry retweet."

"Now there's one less conspiracy theorist in the world - or is there?"

Man flying to heaven on small angel wings

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Class Reunion. Back in school, Ernie was the world's biggest Beatle fan! For the reunion, he's written songs about some of our classmates. There's a cheesemaker

"If I could pick just one keepsake, I think it would be the mutual funds."

"Dad and his stupid bucket list."

"Have a seat!"

"Once you've been caught in the headlights life seems somehow inexorably changed."

'Uh-oh... that sounds ominous.' - *Knock* *Knock* - 'Am I going to die?!' - 'I don't think so.' - 'Then why are you here?' - 'Your life insurance is due for renewal.'

A vicar looks at his in tray and out tray containing a newborn baby and a coffin

"It's gonna be tough trying to fill your pa's boots, Jake."

"I've always thought it was eerie. He expired the same day as his Visa card."

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

'Are you going to keep that silly mustache for all eternity?'

"Did you do all of this for me?"

'I wish I had learned more trivia.'

Welcome to Heaven, a Gated Community.

Old woman on a stair lift to Heaven