United Family Front Gifts

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

Social distancing

"Come on, we've thought of 492 names surely we can get one more"

"I guess families do come in all shapes and sizes."

Bouncing baby

How many times do I have to tell you. . . you're broke! Broke! Broke!

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"The emotional support goes both ways."

Personnel: 'I promised Mom I'd call her when I got here safely - do you mind?'

'I know you've gotten attached to him, Bobby, I have too, but the man at the door is from his firm and needs him back.'

"So what if you were adopted from the shelter! As fas as I am concerned, you're still my brother and I love you! come here..."

Solidarity with the family

"It's the old man's idea. Reckons his young executives should see more of their families."

'Will you marry us?'

'Doug and I have agreed to stay together until the children and his hedge fund are grown.'

"Lord, looks like our country is split right down the middle - help us to combine our energy to make America better!"

Gay adoption

'These figures on parental leave are truly shocking...'

"Don't get me wrong, I love my mistress, but there are 27 of us, so I like to get away now and then to get some privacy..."

"I now pronounce you...significant others!"

'Go ask your other mother.'

I Wooden Be Anything Without You

'Typical family rubbish bin if you ask me: No chips, no chocolate, but lots of discarded vegetables...'

"I'm not going to work late tonight, so I can normalize relations with my family!"

'The good news is that I can spend more time with my family. The bad news is my job is now only part time.'

'It's the Animal Welfare people about you feeding leftovers to the dog!'

Leaving family

"Nobody 'heads up' this family - we work democratically."

"Yes, dear - now that gay marriage is banned - this wonderful institution of marriage is safe!"

Family welcoming in an adopted child.

"Hang in there, kids this family sticks together."

'This is a tough place to work, man- the grievance committee was disbanded for complaining!'

'Here's a photo of me, my wife, my bulldozer and my banker. This one's just me and my wife.'