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Odd Spas

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Before/After

Unguided imagery

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Make it a microbrew, Jake! I've gone organic!'

I applied for a job with NASA but they turned me down. I think it was because I told them I wanted to be an astronaut because in space, you can't cry because there's no gravity and tears can't flow.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

'Sometimes I think if it wasn't for Lucy here, I'd go mad.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

'Where the hell's my app for happiness?'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

Card: Get Human Soon!

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

Lactose intolerance.

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"Tell you what, dude, I'm writing you a prescription for a scented candle and some granola."

Yoga. Welcome back! Thank you. Why did you stop coming? I couldn't decide if I liked yoga, or

"He went to an alternative therapy seminar to find ways of reducing his stress levels..."

Just one of the many ways self-help books can improve people's lives.

“I’m not out of shape — I’m just not used to running so much.”

'My guru thinks you're nuts.'

A man's health care options.

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

Man exiting store: 'Since I've been taking the bee pollen, I've been stopping to smell the roses more often.'

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

"Damn, Tyler, I thought you'd worked through all that in therapy."