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"If we time it right, I can get you in this house today."

"Not to mention the park view."

"It has some charming original features."

'As you can see, it's set back from the main thoroughfare.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

"Oh just ignore him!...he always shows off when we have visitors!"

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

"You know, I think the novelty of living in a converted Barn is starting to wear off."

'They go on a lot of picnics.'

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

"It was one of the things they kept after selling the ski resort."

"They're not even from India."

"Do you need an anthropomorphic car with a monkey chauffeur in the city? No. Do you want it? Definitely."

You're in violation of several bylaws, ma'am: Too many peppermint sticks, gingerbread shingles, sugar pollution of storm sewers - And with all the kids we've seen go in there, your occupancy clearly exceeds ordinances.

'It's my feature wall.'

'Are you the Octomom who needs a new house?'

"People who live in glass houses are rare."

Mythical lake forest.

"I thought you said it was a turn-key house!"

Old woman in shoe says: 'We can't afford to move, so we're just having a few improvements made.'

'Sir, the Arctic offseason is 24-hour night, and the temperature below zero!'

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

'I liked being a millionaire before everyone became one.'

'Believe me, nobody ever confuses their wine glass with mine.'

'At least we have a roof over our heads.'

Don't smoke in the house

"He never fit in, so this is how he wanted to be remembered."

"You spoil that mosquito!"

Lemming Suicide Hotline.