Uni Life Strategist Gifts

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Will work for ETFs

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

The early days of Warren Buffett.

'Life, liberty & the pursuit of tax shelters.'

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

'I realize money can't buy happiness, so I'm just trying to improve the exchange rate.'

'This new 'mentoring' policy is a wonderful idea...It gives staff the chances to take on significant extra responsibilities in relation to staff support and supervision.'

"Maybe I can be a campaign worker."

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

Don't you hate finding out that the kid you copied those test answers from is even dumber than you are.

Dick rode through the night, the job offer to become a Pension Investment Opportunities Advisor was just too good to miss.

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

Zen Wall Street.

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

Live to work or work to live?

Feeding at the Trough

"I eat cheap greasy food so I can save for my cardiologist bills in the future."

"This morning, I looked into the mirror and said to myself, 'Bruce, you're a billionaire. It's time to stop horsing around and enjoy life a little.' "

"My kids may hate me, but my great-great-grandkids are going to love me."

"Remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with either two squares forward and one to the side, or two squares to the side and one forward."

"My mom's having a baby. That automatically moves me into a middle management capacity within the family infrastructure."

"I raised three kids, so you could say I was in risk management."