Lifestyle Strategist Gifts

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"Death coach..."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

Perfection

Does it spark joy?

"Remember, you're selling home appliances, so look more ... dishwashery."

Investment Guru/Lifestyle Guru/Tech Guru/Fashion Guru

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

'Cut back on the women and song. You can still have the wine though.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'This new 'mentoring' policy is a wonderful idea...It gives staff the chances to take on significant extra responsibilities in relation to staff support and supervision.'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

"Obesity is neither contagious or genetic, and yet, it is passed on, from parents to children."

Live to work or work to live?

'That's way too irregular. I recommend regular exercise.'

"I eat cheap greasy food so I can save for my cardiologist bills in the future."

"Remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with either two squares forward and one to the side, or two squares to the side and one forward."

"I raised three kids, so you could say I was in risk management."

'I'm very active. I'm always jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping lunch, and jogging my memory. With all that jumping, stretching, skipping and jogging, I still can't lose weight.'

'12 varieties of pizza does NOT constitute a 'varied diet'.'

Who Asked You?

Birthday Cakes for Dieters...

'What happened to you?'