Unexpected Career Swap Gifts

A Vet? I had you picked in advertising.

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

Caged Businessman

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'Cat job interviews.'

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Once upon a time there was a really lousy editor name Sue. Sue was lazy and stupid, so she was fired, and her boss lived happily ever after. The end.'

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

'Then after the pan our third album, we split for musical differences..'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

Corporate Darwinism

"How long have you been working from home, Mr. Farley?"

'He was a barman before he got into the demolition game.'

"Any experience?"

'Your resume says you have a B.A. in medieval history, a M.A. in modern art, and a PhD in metaphysical poetry. Have you checked us out on the internet? We design and manufacture detonation switches for drones.'

Respected Professionals

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."

"I need a vacation. Everything is starting to smell like a bomb to me."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"By the way, I'm giving notice I start at Hooters on Monday."

'So what you're telling me is you've been fired from the last 15 jobs you had.'

"The aspirin there is your medical benefit and here is your vision benefit."

"Sorry I'm late again, boss. I got held up in self-doubt and regrets."

'Any awards or honors?'

'I heard you got a job at that new club. It must be great."

'No. I haven't always been a lawyer.'

"This is incredible! I thought Amelia Earhart was dead."

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

Where Are They Now?