Ironic Job Switches Gifts

"I was quite pleased to find a job which allows me to see more of my husband."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'Manager. . . Commander. . . Chieftain. . . King!'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Stress Busters - Doodle Maze - Leopards

Had enough of the box.

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

'Let's send her a text message; 'You're FIRED!''