Ironic Job Switches Pillows

"I was quite pleased to find a job which allows me to see more of my husband."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Stress Busters - Doodle Maze - Leopards

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

Had enough of the box.

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

Man in office on saddle: 'You heard right. I just got hired as a desk jockey.'