Unemployed Person Gifts

Fun with Underemployment

"My severance package was this magic lantern."

'Impressive resume, but frankly, in your line of work, people just want to check your teeth...'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

"Victims of out-sorcery."

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

"Things are getting really bad around here. Phil, the office plant, was just let go."

'So far more education hasn't helped me get a job. I think I'll get some student loans and get some more education.'

"We're not on vacation anymore. The company folded."

"I'm sorry, Davis, but your face no longer fits."

"Well, YOU tell personnel you need every winter off and see if you get a job!"

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

'Management is very concerned about 'work life' balance, particularly where back room staff are concerned...We think you give too much, you need to get your lives back.'

America's Biggest Export...

Social security.

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

"Even after all that's happened, I feel no less regal."

Two bored males hanging out on a tatty sofa.

'Young lady, stop talking to your dad in such a disrespectful way! After all he's a man with degrees and can fill in his unemployment benefit application in five different languages!'

"I know you need some certainty in your job, so you're fired."

Cards Galore.

'Believe me, mister... I'm an old hand in capital procurement!'

'He just had a near-work experience.'

'I'm going to have to let you go.'

"Right now, I'm between naps."