Unemployed Person Gifts

"My severance package was this magic lantern."

'Impressive resume, but frankly, in your line of work, people just want to check your teeth...'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

"Victims of out-sorcery."

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

'So far more education hasn't helped me get a job. I think I'll get some student loans and get some more education.'

"Things are getting really bad around here. Phil, the office plant, was just let go."

"We're not on vacation anymore. The company folded."

"Well, YOU tell personnel you need every winter off and see if you get a job!"

'Management is very concerned about 'work life' balance, particularly where back room staff are concerned...We think you give too much, you need to get your lives back.'

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

America's Biggest Export...

Social security.

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

"Even after all that's happened, I feel no less regal."

Two bored males hanging out on a tatty sofa.

'I'm going to have to let you go.'

Cards Galore.

'Young lady, stop talking to your dad in such a disrespectful way! After all he's a man with degrees and can fill in his unemployment benefit application in five different languages!'

'Believe me, mister... I'm an old hand in capital procurement!'

'He just had a near-work experience.'

"I know you need some certainty in your job, so you're fired."

"Right now, I'm between naps."

The company relocated - didn't they tell you?

'We offer competitive pay, good benefits and an attractive severance package.'