Newly Unemployed Gifts

'Oh, I'm unemployed -- but it's not as exciting as it sounds.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

The Rubber Ball Company

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

He kept pretending he was going to work when he was just running errands.

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

"Victims of out-sorcery."

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

"Things are getting really bad around here. Phil, the office plant, was just let go."

"We're not on vacation anymore. The company folded."

'So far more education hasn't helped me get a job. I think I'll get some student loans and get some more education.'

'I saw on the job description it said, 'You'll do what I tell you to do and like it.' Could you be more specific?'

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

"Well, YOU tell personnel you need every winter off and see if you get a job!"

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

'Management is very concerned about 'work life' balance, particularly where back room staff are concerned...We think you give too much, you need to get your lives back.'

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"That's classic J.R. . . .a little bit business, a little bit whimsy."

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

America's Biggest Export...

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

"Even after all that's happened, I feel no less regal."

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."