Recently Unemployed Gifts

Unemployment Math

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

He kept pretending he was going to work when he was just running errands.

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

"Victims of out-sorcery."

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

"Things are getting really bad around here. Phil, the office plant, was just let go."

"We're not on vacation anymore. The company folded."

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

'So far more education hasn't helped me get a job. I think I'll get some student loans and get some more education.'

"Well, YOU tell personnel you need every winter off and see if you get a job!"

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

'Management is very concerned about 'work life' balance, particularly where back room staff are concerned...We think you give too much, you need to get your lives back.'

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

America's Biggest Export...

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

"Even after all that's happened, I feel no less regal."

Two bored males hanging out on a tatty sofa.

Cards Galore.

"I know you need some certainty in your job, so you're fired."

'I'm going to have to let you go.'

'Young lady, stop talking to your dad in such a disrespectful way! After all he's a man with degrees and can fill in his unemployment benefit application in five different languages!'

'Believe me, mister... I'm an old hand in capital procurement!'

"Right now, I'm between naps."

'We offer competitive pay, good benefits and an attractive severance package.'

The company relocated - didn't they tell you?