Unemployment Gifts

"Right now, I'm between naps."

"Got canned for calling in sick too often. I thought absence was supposed to make the heart grow fonder."

'Which bit of 'You're fired' don't you understand?'

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

'...then I said, 'give me a raise, or I quit'.'

English major will work for food.

"Since he lost his job I try to keep him busy around the house."

'With the kids back home and unemployed, it's hard to believe I ever suffered from empty nest syndrome.'

'We're letting you go, Hargrove. You're a young man of vision, integrity, high ideals and you make the rest of us look bad.'

'To celebrate Labor Day, you should first have a job!'

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

The company relocated - didn't they tell you?

"We ran out of toilet paper. Luckily, I have a whole box of my resumé."

'Professional downloader of Napster files' looking for work

'Son, your mother and I have decided to let the free market take care of you.'

'We offer competitive pay, good benefits and an attractive severance package.'

New course - Surviving Unemployment

'Sorry, dad, I'm so busy chattin' with friends I just can't work.'

'Me? Actually I'm a writer. . . Well, er, at the moment it's mainly job applications.'

"I didn't get the job. They hated my Zoom background."

'Why can't you be more like your brother? He may be unemployed, but at least he's overworked!'

'The boss came up and said, 'there are too many guys named Kevin around here' and so - I was fired!'

I thought the boss had a sense of humor.

'It doesn't contain anything that'll help you find a job.'

'I'd like a job.'

Shoulda Gone with Sexual Harassment Instead

"Every time I pass the unemployment office, the GPS says, 'You have arrived at your destination.' Does it know something I don't?"

Rejection.com

Retired Early

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

3:00 PM - "It's the new 7 AM"

Mixed My Blessings

"Isn't it incredible that both of is, at this exact same moment are unemployed/"

"If somebody's listening to this conversation, I need a job."

"How long has your dad been out of work?"