Underwater Communicator Pillows

It's that heavy breathing again.

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

Very Difficult Conversations

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"You don't whisper anymore."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

"Have you tried biting him?"

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

"Hold that thought, my love. I'm listening – I just need to pee on those daylilies."

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

'What is it Spot? What are you trying to tell me?'

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"