Underwater Conversationalist Pillows

"It's odd, but once I'm full, the last thing I want to smell is blood in the water."

"So what do you do in the evenings around here?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Say Bernie, how come this little guy's been following you around all week?"

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

'Silent type, eh?'

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"So I leave eggs on the ground, and then you come along and drop your whatever on them? That's your idea of romance?"

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"Are you aware of how many times you say 'oink' when you talk?"

A Valentine's Day IOU Coupon

"My all-time favorite rock group? That would be The Grateful Dead."