Ocean Conversationalist Pillows

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

'There's plenty of other fish in the sea.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

'Luxury cruise you said!'

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'Look Reg, a ship...we're saved!'

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

Shark food pyramid.

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"You can find me on Inkedin."

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

You mixed your DNA with that of a carrot? I've created a giant loud-mouthed left-leaning vegetable. Some would say that's redundant. Very funny. It's worse that that. The carrot doesn't share just my politics … You smell beautiful, like ranch dressing on a spring day. I do like a tall vegetable.

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."