Underdog Sympathizer Pillows

'Let's go home, coach. If God was going to intervene with a miracle and change the final score to save your job, it would have happened by now.'

The hardest instrument to play second fiddle.

"What happened, honey? Was your team defeated again?"

'I know you can't win them all, but just once I wish I could scrape together the entry fee!'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"Eat my dust!"

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

"Stop with this mathematics dictatorship."

"Who do you like in the super bowl?"

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

David and Goliath.

'Haven't they found you a chair, yet Cludmore?'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

"Thank you, Sir."

Soldier to David about Goliath: 'You did that with a step, a flick and a follow-through? Talk about high impact exercise!'

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

"Not many of you may agree with me..."

'Oh great, we'll never win with this nerd on our team.'

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

"Like many attorneys I was the runt of the litter."

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"This is Thurgood. He specializes in beaten-down stocks."

Masochistic Soccer Fan

'Determined little guy.'

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'