Underdog Optimizer Pillows

"Eat my dust!"

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

Work Slave

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

"Stop with this mathematics dictatorship."

"Who do you like in the super bowl?"

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

David and Goliath.

'Haven't they found you a chair, yet Cludmore?'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

Soldier to David about Goliath: 'You did that with a step, a flick and a follow-through? Talk about high impact exercise!'

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

'Oh great, we'll never win with this nerd on our team.'

"Like many attorneys I was the runt of the litter."

Published but unread poet.

"Not many of you may agree with me..."

Stop the big guy!

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

'Determined little guy.'

Masochistic Soccer Fan