Undercover Scholar Gifts

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

I should be a writer when I grow up...

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'Irwin graduates from an online course today.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study.'

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

'I had no idea there would be a test.'

"Sure, I pray all the time... English test, Math test, History test...."

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

Rollerblader wears a cast and has wheels on crutches

"Unfortunately, what you downloaded from the net is a ten-year-old paper I once wrote for my college boyfriend!"

Park bench reserved for Mi6 recruitment.

Book Thief in True Crime Department

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

'That piggy bank is for my college fund.'

You can tell which seniors got accepted early admission! West Fester High School.

'F.G.G. First Grade Graduate.'

Parental Role Model

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

'Explain to us, son, how gaining nine A levels is uncool and damages your street cred.'

'I'm enrolling in an online course to learn how to apply for a loan for an online university.'

"Gracie, don't worry. I created a college fund for you the day after you were born. I figure by the time you're 18, it'll total $28,000."

"Distance Learning"

"If you insist on giving me a gift for being accepted into Oxford, I could use a new DVD player...gift wrapped in a BMW."

"Today we're filling out mock college applications."

Wow! Look at all these college brochures. You're soo popular! The top colleges in the country want me to apply! Um, Twig. You know they're trolling for applicants to boost their stupid rankings. That's ok. At least I'll be rejected by the very best! You can visit me at Harvard.