Undead Humorist Pillows

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

"People! Do you want to merely frighten, or do you want to impress?"

Zombie standup

What Zombies Like to Do After a Nice Lunch.

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

Night of the Zombonies.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

"Some Debussy, Igor."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"You run into a window, too?"

Fancy a pint?

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

Cat Frankenstein

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

...your sales are rather anemic

Pinata Zombies

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

The Zombie Awakes...

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

'Oh come on, I'm sure she'll still be there after Match of the Day's finished...'