Undead Humorist Pillows

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

Zombie standup

What Zombies Like to Do After a Nice Lunch.

Night of the Zombonies.

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

"Some Debussy, Igor."

Fancy a pint?

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"You run into a window, too?"

Cat Frankenstein

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

...your sales are rather anemic

The Zombie Awakes...

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'Ha! You moron! How did you manage to use all nine of your lives at once?'

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

Special Place in Hell...