Unconventional Spirit Gifts

"Normal? That's just a setting on a dryer."

The Hammer

'Oh Ernie, you're a louse, but I love you.'

Romance of Radio Astronomy

Henrietta was never one to conform to society's labels. She preferred to think of herself as an 'off-Rhode lsland Red'...

Storage Unit of Love

"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid."

"Francine, you're a rebel!"

'Isn't it romantic, being married in the same alley where we first met eight months ago?'

"Whoever said 'There's nothing new under the sun' first, was a hypocrite."

"Here she is, the girl of my dreams! We're in love and we're going to get married! And she's made out of boxes!"

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

Stun-gun target practice.

Finally, I found a good use for that leak.

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

"You're absolutely sure you want to go wireless?"

"How much do you want off the top?"

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

Sleeping man uses his beard as a book mark.

'I invented them yesterday and Junior already has them souped up.'

'Sorry... I should've warned you. In our company, we're encouraged to color outside the lines!'

Modern Eureka Moments

"We'd like to promote the concept of a nontraditional Thanksgiving."

'Well, well, well, looks like we've got ourselves a troublemaker.'

Two cavemen are sat at the patent attorney each with half a wheel.

"I must warn you that the house is haunted but the ghost are mostly interested in doing sexy ceramics."

"I'm a religious nut."

Welcome National Society of Skeptics. I don't believe we've met. I don't believe you don't believe we've met.

'Outré!'

"He loved the beach."

"People extra suck"

Woman playing piano with her feet.

'Your Letter of Recommendation from the outlaw biker gang, the Devil's Serpents, was certainly complimentary...but it does raise other questions.'

"A high-powered career, a happy family, a big beautiful house: my dream is to avoid it all."

"Have I got a girl for you!"