Umpire Enthusiast Pillows

Umpire's Banquet.

' Come on ump! That's two in a row! Hello?...Mr. Umpire?'

Isn't there something about this in th Geneva Convention

'If you'd like a better look, I'd be happy to stand behind you for a few innings.'

"I'm still looking for the lap of luxury."

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

Queen of Upcycling!

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

Pet Cemetery.

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

What an afternoon. Rudy, listen to me. It didn't mean anything. You can't play Xbox 360 all afternoon with a guy and pretend it means nothing. I was drunk! You loved it - all of it. The racing and arcade games, the first-person shooters, but especially ... No ... WWF Wrestling Smackdown. I'm a married woman!

The lame cowboy with spurs on his crutches.

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

"Didn't your last blouse fall apart in two days?"

'We'll have you practising in a milk float in no time!'

Cricket widow's revenge 2

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

I can just feel it. I know they're talking about me.

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

"If I adopt you, you're going to have to wake me up and walk me twice a day."

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'Want a mudpie? It's organic!'

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

F1 - Quit Smoking.

'How's that, Umpire?'