Twitter Humorist Pillows

Rage-Tweeting Impeachment

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"Did you get my tweet?"

"OMG, LOL!"

The Proust of Twitter

Man runs into Bigfoot taking a selfie.

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"Will follow you on social media for food."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"#notguilty."

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

"She looks just like in your photos."

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Chasebook

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

The Smartass Phone

'Twitter for goldfish.'

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

Advertising on the internet.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

"Fact amnesty"

Social media and censorship...

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Twitter that!