Hashtag Humorist Pillows

"Mother? You might want to rethink posting #Mumswhoread."

#Failstagram

"#notguilty."

"If anyone knows why these two should not be wed, tweet #BIGMISTAKE to @ThisWedding now, or forever hold your peace."

I Will Not Text In Class # Mean Teacher

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

Polly txt speak

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

I will study my speling words...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

Outer Space Outsourcing

Dog Walking Services

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"