Social Media Humorists Pillows

Said Cohen? Who's askin? Someone who is about to make your dreams come true. Why? Are you gonna let me yell at you until you bleed? Caustic. Quick-witted just as Facebook led me to believe. What the heck are you talking about?!?! Nothing. Ready to experience pure joy? I'm ready to attack!!

Man runs into Bigfoot taking a selfie.

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"Did you get my tweet?"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"OMG, LOL!"

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"She looks just like in your photos."

"#notguilty."

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

Chasebook

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

The Smartass Phone

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

Twitter that!

Advertising on the internet.

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

Facebook For Dogs.

'for more obit info, go to...'

The Escape Key

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

Terms and conditions

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."