Homonym Humorist Pillows

"In tonight's news, there's been a main break on main street in mid-Maine."

Bakery. Take time to smell the flour.

We're all tired, and besides, it wasn't funny the first time you said "I'm beet"!

"I love what you've done with your heir."

"Your uniform has arrived for working for the royal male."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

Polly txt speak

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

I will study my speling words...

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Dog Walking Services

Outer Space Outsourcing

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"