Brand Name Humorist Pillows

'Gosh, look mummy, a shampoo named after us!'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Copycats

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

I will study my speling words...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."