Branding Humorist Pillows

Tattoo Removal

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"Any questions?"

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

"But don't let my wacky tie fool you. We actually take business very seriously around here."

Football Chameleon

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Satya Nutella

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

"By the end of next week, these fads such as social media, automobiles and making fire will all be over."

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"