Text Humorist Pillows

"LOL!"

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Did you get my tweet?"

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

"She looks just like in your photos."

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

Advertising on the internet.

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

Twitter that!

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

Facebook For Dogs.

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

No, that's "Virginia Wolf" with one "o."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

"The internet without cat pictures? No way! Make a realistic wish like peace on earth, justice for all, everlasting life, sane politicians..."

"Just right click, save as, and now you own the complete works of William Shakespeare."

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.

"It's great the way that computer algorithms allow the internet to feed me with opinions that reinforce the ones I've already got - all on my phone!"

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'