Twisted Fairytale Lover Gifts

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

The Fourth Little Pig

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

The tooth fairy.

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

Sleeping Beauty.

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

Ask A Silly Question.

"My God! There goes middle management."

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

Tooth fairy pays with card

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

Knight sees sign near castle: 'Prince's Parking, All Others Will Be Toad.'

'Of course I want a fairy tale wedding. What did you expect?'

"Oh my gosh — so sorry! Those were extensions!"

Folk o' the Wee

"Well, how was I supposed to know you were saving them for something special?"