Twisted Fairytale Lover Gifts

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

The Fourth Little Pig

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

The tooth fairy.

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Sleeping Beauty.

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

"My God! There goes middle management."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

Accountant Bedtime Stories

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

Ask A Silly Question.

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

Tooth fairy pays with card

'Of course I want a fairy tale wedding. What did you expect?'

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

Knight sees sign near castle: 'Prince's Parking, All Others Will Be Toad.'

"Well, how was I supposed to know you were saving them for something special?"

"Oh my gosh — so sorry! Those were extensions!"