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"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

"No way. Lando, my friend. Lando." "There's no way Lando Calrissian was a better betrayer than Alex Krycek." "Ask any passerby on the street. 9 out of 10 of them won't even know who Alex Krycek is." "That's utter foolishness. Everyone knows Alex Krycek. He was basically the X-Files' anti-Mulder. He could out-weasel Billy D. Williams any day." "Stop!" "When men start arguing over which fictional character was a better betrayer, they have officially run out of things to talk about." "That Kr

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

Love is when you watch television together.

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"Remember that '70s TV show 'What's Happening'!? Did they ever come up with an answer?" "I don't know, but it makes me wonder if Marvin Gaye found out what's going on." "The black hole of cannabis-induced queries"

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Will work for Food Network.

Time Machine Collision.

"You like it? We purchased the fourth wall from 'Westworld'."

For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health for a full 13 episodes...?

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- You lifted that alibi from a September, 1958 episode of 'Perry Mason!'

'...And now, 'Ripley's Believe it or Not' presents a restrospective on the Tony Blair years....'

"Oh, good. My complete sexual history is on tonight."

The Gilmore Girls

Quick, Gardener's World is on!

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"There goes 'ol Slim ridin' off into the sunset."

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

TV and Film Animal Training.

'Larry, did you feel THAT? Your career just peaked! And on MY show! Isn't that fantastic?'

Theodore Cleaver, the Corporate Years

'You're a funny beggar, switching off the sound just because Joanna Lumley is ENTHUSING!'

"You won't find Miss Miriam Hirschman an easy nut to crack, Mr. Leno."

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

TV moments we never see, 'Branded'

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

Michael Grade is right...ITV needs more real writers which is why we want you to commission 'celebrity novelists get me out of here'.