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Library In Heaven Stocks The Bible And Only The Bible

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

A surprise in heaven

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"Of course there's an afterlife. It's called 'death'."

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

Gates of heaven

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

The Old Enemies - Catholics and Protestants

'All the tellers are nuns.'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

"Repent! The Venga bus is coming!"

Does this mean we lose our security deposit?

"Hallelujah!"

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

"The Brother printer is out of ink."

Moral Outrage.

Religious toilets.

About to take a triumphant departure from Ireland, Saint Patrick set his sights on world domination. That is, before his focus was diverted by a small harmless looking beverage.

Holy Relics.

"I want to take a vacation, but the last time I left you in charge your face appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich."

'I propose a day of mild exasperation in response to Richard Dawkins.'