Tv Show Reviewer Gifts

New from NBC: 'World's Biggest Feline Loser.'

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

"No way. Lando, my friend. Lando." "There's no way Lando Calrissian was a better betrayer than Alex Krycek." "Ask any passerby on the street. 9 out of 10 of them won't even know who Alex Krycek is." "That's utter foolishness. Everyone knows Alex Krycek. He was basically the X-Files' anti-Mulder. He could out-weasel Billy D. Williams any day." "Stop!" "When men start arguing over which fictional character was a better betrayer, they have officially run out of things to talk about." "That Kr

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Can't Touch This

Love is when you watch television together.

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Christmas TV...

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

Can't Touch This

"Remember that '70s TV show 'What's Happening'!? Did they ever come up with an answer?" "I don't know, but it makes me wonder if Marvin Gaye found out what's going on." "The black hole of cannabis-induced queries"

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Will work for Food Network.

Time Machine Collision.