Television Reviewer Gifts

'The programme following this one is not suitable for children.'

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

Can't Touch This

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"You don't have to answer that."

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

Silly News.