Tv Roast Enthusiast Pillows

Items From the Jay Leno Fan Club

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

"A little lamb please."

Time for today's dose of emotional manipulation...

'This has been a Chris Wallace special report -- we now switch you back to Mike Wallace....'

"He goes through the TV listings deleting all the 'trash' I like."

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

"Uh oh, is that a spit roaster the farmer is putting together?"

'On tonight's news: Katie Couric interviews Katie Couric.'

'I don't hassle you about YOUR comfort foods.'

Ground Game!

"Curl your fingers to avoid cuts when slicing or chopping...I learned that trick on a TV cooking show!"

"You can't beat Channel 5's sport coverage."

'Too many tv dinners I'm afraid.'

'It's indigestion due to your lifestyle, you're watching too many T.V. cookery shows.'

'Sorry but my disposable income is tied up in a roast in the oven.'

'The programs have improved, but now the commercials are getting violent.'

"They're called leftovers, not 'reruns'."

'What TV dinner goes best with a sitcom?'

"And now, going for the 'Surfing Through All The Cable Channels In The Shortest Time' record..."

"The pork chops were dry and unseasoned."

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."

"I'll take squirrel behavior for $500."

'TV: What not to watch.'

All sizzle and no roast

'Do you mind popping back in, to rescue the Sunday joint?'

"Canned food, canned music, canned laughs. Yes we can."

TV dinner

Few knew that Howie Mandel had once worked for Canada customs.

'Did you remember to stuff the chicken?' 'I didn't have to. It was full already.'

'I've eaten so many TV dinners, I'm starting to feel like I'm in show business.'