Tv Guide Wizard Gifts

"Let's just say that, from here on in, parental guidance is advised for this whole darn network."

'There's nothing on.'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

"What would you like to watch again?"

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

"Ooops...wrong doctor !"

'I think I set the security level, on my anti virus software, too high. Whenever I access anything it is automatically deleted.'

A Woman Holds Up a TV Guide.

'It even tells time in metric minutes.'

'What's the use? Everyone has his own PC future-probability program these days.'

'Anything good on tonight?'

'Why do I always get a teaching assistant whose pronunciation is awful?'

'Despite anosmia she fonded her penuche.'

The director said 'cut'!

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"...and if I press this button..."

TV Guide: Cowboy Cowboys.

"Can you recommend a good exercise program?"

'I'm five weeks behind in my blog.'

'Your entire library consists of nothing but TV Guides bound in Corinthian leather?'

A Crossword puzzle.

'Damn it, Bob, you know I hate when you stare at me like that!'

'Due to network constraints, our 5 year mission has been reduced to 13 weeks, with a possible renewal.'

"You're suffering from defective media image. What you need is a spin doctor."

Viruses are Going Around. Get Your Tech Vaccinated!

"Adjusting the picture won't make it any clearer."

"I'm an international service agent. I can say 'I'm not responsible' and 'I don't know' in four different languages."

"So what'll it be, dentists on ice, or extreme cabinet making?"

T.V. Guide

'I teach foreign languages to ATM machines. What do you do?'