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"Good heavens! There's not a single documentary about World War 2!"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'There's nothing on.'

Tree house.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Can't Touch This

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

'Och lye the news'

Book Shop Plot Spoilers

"Our next story should interest all our viewers...it's a real can of worms."

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"What would you like to watch again?"

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"WIFI, Amazon, credit cards. Pretty much every password is named after me."

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

Incorrect weather forecasts.

It's a Dog's life

"Then we agree. 10 minutes of your news, then 10 minutes of mine."

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

And here is the day's news that we are going shove down your throat.

A Woman Holds Up a TV Guide.

"So much for finding intelligent life on this planet."

'The opinions expressed by Burt are not necessarily those of Ernie.'

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

'According to the latest reports, there were no earlier reports.'

'The sword in the stone was just a warm-up - now you must remove this remote control ...'

'I got my degree by watching JEOPARDY.'

'Anything good on tonight?'

Dog watched 'Fire Hydrants of the Rich and Famous.'