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'Anything good on tonight?'

Television Readers.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'There's nothing on.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Early Colour TV

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

Homo Zapiens

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Tunnel of TV

"If I were you, I wouldn't change the channel!"

"What would you like to watch again?"

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

'You should know better than to switch channels during a Garfield special.'

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

"See, Honey, I told you that TV would fit in this room!"

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

Luke Sleepwalker...

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

'Come on, you're telling me that you don't watch the Discovery Channel.'

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"Ooops...wrong doctor !"

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'