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"Our next story should interest all our viewers...it's a real can of worms."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

Laughingstock

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"America’s leaders since 1980"

Can't Touch This

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

New Flavors at Where's the Scoop Ice Cream

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

SAGE mentality

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

Vladimir Putin Pulling Trump Across The Table By His Tie

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

US election postal vote controversy

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

After defeating terror, George and his friends declare war on mild irritation and clouds.

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

A world divided by the war

"It's the new Trump Tower..."

Statue of Security

No Cheap Fuel Ahead: Easy Street Ends.

"There-there-all those countries...all those protesters...it's nothing personal...wait a minute! I think it is!"

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

The search for Weapons of Mass Destruction