Tv Commentator Fan Gifts

"I hope you like sports metaphors."

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

The commentators want to run the officials...

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

I break for toilet paper

Pundits

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

Whatever Happened to Basic Standards at Newspapers?

"This guy looks like he's really out of touch."

Alpha males through the ages!

"Well I think the Real question is..."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

Lane restricted to cars with three or more persons at least one of whom is a woman or visible minority.

How Will They Manage without Us?

'She's dealing multiple prescriptions. This is the 3rd pharmacy today where she got these highly addictive Chocolate Bits.'

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

"She's genetically modified, you know."

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

It sounds like you've been watching Dr. Phil again, Al � bad idea. Dr. Phil provides a service, Dr. Kapuchnik: he makes you seem like less of a pompous, overbearing know-it-all.

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

"I hear you're something big in the city?"

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

In doctor's surgery: 'I'm terribly worried, doctor...he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly anymore.'

Retired Talk Show Host.

Alan Davies.