Sports Commentator Fan Gifts

Score analogy for drunk commentator, "Lionel is 6 not out."

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

Mixed Doubles.

"It's Zeus' latest obsession."

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

Periscope spies beautiful water-skier.

Raheem Sterling

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

I think you're ace

"Wait! Don't start the chase now: I need to stretch first!:

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Spring Training

Runner collapsing over the finishing line.

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Ted's Brilliant Rugby Career Was Plagued By Nagging Injuries,

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

Kenny Dalglish

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'