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'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

'In the event of a new Gulf War, Letterman and Leno agreed to reduce their arsenal of middle eastern jokes and stockpile them for possible use later...'

'We interrupt this program for a report about bad manners.'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

A Fairytale Update

Vlad the Impala

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"That'll be five bucks."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'