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'She's a hostile witness because she's missing her soaps.'

THE PLAYBOY CHANNEL. 'I have to get my mind off politics somehow!'

"He stopped watching GB News because they don't provide the subtitles which give him a good laugh on BBC, ITV, and Sky."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Dog Walking Services

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Skiing.

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Intelligent people laugh too!

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

University Soapflakes

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Stand-up Romcom

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Deer Season Open.