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News in Briefs.

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

Vlad the Impala

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

A Fairytale Update

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

Sphinx cat and mummy mouse

The Brothers Grime