Turnaround Wizard Gifts

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

"I've brought companies back from the brink of disaster before Phil, but to bring one back from the dead? I'm still patting myself on the back over that one!"

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

"You're right. I have to come up with a brake of some kind."

Dung Beetle Pottery Class.

math faculty

Start the session by doing something unusual.

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

I got the raise

"I'd like you to consider some of our exciting career opportunities working for anyone else but me."

Psychic car mechanics.

"Have you tried switching it off and on again?"

Illogic Tree

'So Roger, how's your invention going?'

'We need someone who can turn this company around in a hurry.'

"Goodbye, masked consultant. And thanks for reducing our inefficiencies."

The Solution!

"It's a nice invention, but what about GRIDLOCK?"

"As you insist everything must be in triplicate, meet my new secretaries."

'See that? A pile of twigs! That's how you end up if you don't stretch properly before the game.'

'Thank you for calling Tech Support. Your computer is one month old. We no longer support that model. Good day.'

'He's even better when he takes the cue out of it's case.'

'Thrower here has always been one to push the envelope.'