Tupperware Enthusiast Pillows

"I can't party like I used to, I've got enough Tupperware"

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

'Been Away?' A piece of bread looks at a piece of brown toast as if it's got a suntan.

'Mom, what setting do you use for warming up slippers?'

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

"The bagel’s from a previous marriage."

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

Tupperware Wolf

Drinking Hats

'I can't party like I used to. I've got enough Tupperware.'

The nurse held up a beautiful baby knork... needless to say, the spoon was devastated.'

"He's just p****d off, because these days, I'm more popular than he is."

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

"I brought a new can opener, but let's save the old one in case we ever need a broken can opener."

Have you seen this toaster?

"The Toast Whisperer"

The Spoonish Inquisition - 'Talk or die fork!'

Football Drinks

"How can I tell him we're only EPNS?"

Girls learn to feed themselves earlier than boys do.

'Could you tell the court if you recognize this.'

Toast with tanlines

'Please stand by. Our Newscaster has lost his toupee.'

Bully in the China Shop

'How do I tell the fork from the spoon?'

Tired of being called a 'Bald Eagle,' Alan finally springs for that toupee.

"Congrats! It's a spork."

"I thought we'd decided on the gold leaf pattern."

"Well, okay, but it's got to go if I start hearing any belligerent tweets."