Truth Avoider Pillows

BOOKS: Stuff you really don't want to know.

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"Tarzan no want computer."

"Let's see what's going on in the world."

"Overruled."

"Shouldn't you be studying?

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

The Procrastinatorium.

'I'm going to prescribe for you to stay away from the news on TV and all social media!'

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

Election Cancelling Headphones

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

Snoozed when I should have schmoozed.

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

Truth, justice and a damn good lawyer.

"I'm actually looking forward to age-related hearing loss."

The Occupy a Barstool Movement.

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"I invited a few friends over. Don’t worry – you can still be miserable."

2016 Policlicks

Herman likes to stay in his comfort zone.

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"We came early to avoid the conga line."

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."

"I envy you, not having any idea of what's going on these days."

An agony of aunts

James never left his bed, seeing nothing but danger in the financial world.

Man with blinkers on

'I roll over and play dead when I don't want to see someone.'

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

"At last — no Trump."

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

"Oh my God have you seen this sh-"

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."